Someone shit on the floor
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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