Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
