The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
