are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
