I wish I could teleport
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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