Porn is love you can see.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
