I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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