I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
