Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
