My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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