I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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