So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
