I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
