I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We are all done wearing pants today
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
