babies were throwing up all over the place
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
