I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
