Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
