I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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