All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We have started to decorate penises.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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