Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
oh god the rape fog is back!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
