come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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