you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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