is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
