That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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