Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
