hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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