i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
