I CAN MOONWALK!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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