I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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