Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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