i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Found the puke drawer
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
