I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
