I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
