my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm bleeding and have questions
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
