I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
