One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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