Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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