drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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