I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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