do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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