are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
