why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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