youre lurking in front of me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
