Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
