I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
