oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
