You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
