I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
