I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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