Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
