Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
