the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
