An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
